Online Adult Sex Dating Site Guide

Guide To Sex Dating Sites

There are several things you need to know about using adult dating websites in order to get what you want out of them - namely, getting laid on a frequent basis.

Types Of Sites

Conventional dating sites are certainly used by those looking for casual sexual encounters, but with a lot of the conventional dating sites, the majority of women on these sites are more interested in long-term committed relationships. This is particularly true on those sites that feature various personality and compatibility tests. If you are primarily looking for more casual encounters, I recommend you avoid these sites (with the exception of sites that give the option of searching for casual sex partners, such as LavaLife, as explained in my "Site Reviews" section) for the simple reason that your goal of finding casual sex is more compatible with the goals of the women on adult dating sites. You'll have a lot more fun and a lot less drama when you are using a site where your prospects are also looking for casual sex as opposed to a serious relationship.

Free adult dating sites (those that are totally free, without the option to upgrade to a paid membership) may seem tempting because they are free, but in my experience, they are a big waste of time. You might think that these sites would have a lot of members because, again, they're free, but these sites do a poor job of marketing themselves and their owners are primarily interested in generating income through banner ads and spam emails for porn sites, male enhancement, etc.). Not only do free sites generally have relatively low memberships, the members that are there tend to be less-serious. A lot of people will put up a free listing on a whim and never visit that sex dating website again. In addition, there will be a lot of members who are there to get business for their subscription-based porn sites. Basically, the old saying holds true, "You get what you pay for."

Guaranteed to get laid dating sites will offer a free trial period that then supposedly changes to a paid membership after the trial, UNLESS you fail to get laid during the free trial, in which case they will extend your membership for free until you do get laid. Well, that sounds like a sure thing doesn't it? How can you go wrong with a guarantee? You're as good as getting some already, right? Wrong! Let's think about this for a minute. How the hell are they going to know whether or not you got laid, unless you tell them you didn't in order to take advantage of the guarantee? And wouldn't there be a big problem with guys who did get laid lying to them in order to get their memberships extended for free? Well, that's not really a problem for the website owner if he/she doesn't care about selling memberships in the first place. These sites make their money through advertising and/or by selling your email address and other information to list brokers. In fact, they probably hope that you will tell them if you didn't get laid, because they know that a guy who isn't getting laid is most likely spending at least some of his time as "master of his domain", "choking the chicken", "spanking the monkey", well, you get the idea. A guy who has a lot of time, and other things, on his hands, is much more likely to purchase things like porn, male enhancement, dating info, and any number of things they might have available to sell to you. So, like any other free adult dating site, "guaranteed to get you laid" sites are usually a complete waste of time when it comes to actually getting laid.

Paid membership adult dating sites usually have either a free trial or a free membership level that gives reduced access to get you interested enough to buy an upgraded membership. As with the free sites, free memberships on paid membership sites are usually a waste of time. If you want to actually meet people and have a shot at getting laid, you're going to need a paid membership. Even with a paid membership, and even on the BEST of the adult dating sites, unfortunately you're going to have to sort through a LOT of crap profiles which include people hawking their porn sites, people misrepresenting themselves (for instance, gay men posing as women), people who place profiles on a whim and were never serious about dating to begin with, and people who placed profiles with the serious intention of dating but got overwhelmed by hundreds of responses - many from people they had absolutely no interest in - and gave up in frustration. But with time and persistence, assuming you have some social skills (if you don't you can learn - see the links on this site), you will be able to hook up - and hook up frequently if you develop a network of "sex buddies".

Niche sites are for those looking for something specific. Maybe you have a thing for a given ethnicity, or perhaps you prefer people who are married, or maybe you have a taste for "alternative" sexual practices. Some niche sex dating sites are reasonably good, and some are not. Obviously, the more specific you are in your desire, the fewer prospects you will have to choose from, but if you are willing to be patient and persistent in your quest, a site geared to your particular niche of choice can be a good thing if you need something specific to really be happy.

One type of niche site in particular that tends to be a bunch of hype is the "cheating wives" variety. I can understand why someone might find the idea of hooking up with a married person attractive, but let's think about this for a minute. Of course there are married women out there who, for a variety of reasons, might be looking for some action on the side. But there are a whole lot of dating sites out there as well as other opportunities for sex that they can avail themselves of. They don't need to go on a site that's strictly for cheating wives. Have you noticed that most of the cheating wives sites show pictures of these women, including their faces? Do you really think that someone who is cheating on their spouse is going to put a big, clear picture up on the internet for everyone to see? Not to mention that the pictures tend to be of women who are extremely attractive and professionally photographed (more on this "red flag" in a minute). Common sense says that cheating wives sites are, for the most part, out and out scams.

Scam Sites

Every adult dating site has its share of "fake" members who are individuals there to try to extract money out of you in one way or another and this is out of the website's control to a large extent, but there are some sites where the website owner is actively involved in scamming you. The most common scenario is one in which you sign up on a site where you have to buy a membership in order to email the other members you are interested in as well as have full access to the site features. At scam sites, if you sign up just for a free membership, within a few hours to a few days you will begin receiving emails that are supposedly from members who have seen your profile and are interested in you, but they are actually from employees of the website who have set up fake member profiles of hot, sexy women even though chances are the person emailing you is actually a fat, sweaty, hairy guy. These emails are of course intended to entice you to pay for a membership. Once you do, you'll may periodically receive an email from one of these "interested members" (the fat, sweaty, hairy guy with the picture of the really hot woman) to keep you interested enough to continue to renew your paid membership, but most of the emails will dry up shortly after you pay for the membership and then all of a sudden you'll have a huge increase in contacts in the few days just before your membership expires - it's amazing how popular you get when your membership is about to expire. Then, after you pay for your membership and you return the emails to those hot women who want you so badly, it's like they disappeared off the face of the earth. That's strange. It's almost as if those emails were just come-ons to sucker you into paying for your membership. It didn't take me long to figure this out. The very first time they tried this tactic with me, I was on to them. OK, maybe the second time. Alright, third. Never mind! Just learn from my stupidity.

Scam sites may have some legitimate members who you might actually be able to hook up with, but because the website maintains so many fake profiles, it's hard to tell how many real members they even have, plus they also no doubt have their share of outside fat, sweaty, hairy guys who have also set up fake profiles for the purpose of selling you porn site memberships. So, the numbers just don't work in your favor and these sites tend to offer little chance for you to even communicate with a legitimate dating prospect, let alone actually hook up with anyone. But you can take comfort in the fact that the fat, sweaty, hairy guys are using your money to help get themselves laid. OK, maybe that's not such a comfort.

Reality Check

Now that you have a basic understanding of the types of adult dating sites, it's time for a reality check (as if the reality I've laid on you so far wasn't enough) - even when it comes to only those rare sites where you have an actual chance of hooking up.

First, there are a lot more men looking for women on these sites than women looking for men. A lot more. A lot, LOT more. In fact, if you look at the membership numbers on some of the bigger sex dating sites, there's usually about 10 times as many male members as female members. So, you are going to have a LOT of competition. Now, there are ways to give yourself an edge (to find out more about those ways, Click Here). At first glance, it might not seem like there's a big shortage of women, but as discussed previously, there's an awful lot of members who are not there for dating - they are there to sell you a membership to their porn site. In fact, a good number of the "women seeking men" profiles posted on adult dating sites aren't even put up by women - as mentioned previously, they're put up by fat, sweaty, hairy guys that run porn sites. There are far fewer real women who are seriously looking for dates than it appears. Remember that there are about 10 male members for every female member? Well, by the time you factor in the high number of fake female members, it's probably more like 50 male members for every real female member. You need to realize that the real women on these sites are getting LOTS of messages in their mailboxes - far more than they could ever even answer. So, a good number of the messages you send will probably never even be read. To find out how to greatly improve your odds of getting your messages read, Click Here.

Next, let's talk about the popular promise of "get laid tonight". OK, that would be nice if that really happened, and in fact it does happen once in a great while (I actually got laid once within about 4 hours of setting up a membership on a dating site), but it is not a realistic expectation (in fact, I never met anyone again from that particular site). If you send a message today, chances are that if it does get read, it will probably not be for a day or two, and maybe a week or longer (remember, the real women on these sites will sometimes get hundreds of messages in a day!). Then, if your prospect does decide to write you back (you, out of all the other guys she's gotten messages from), there will probably be a period where you exchange messages a few times before she gives you her phone number and/or makes plans to meet you. So in most cases, you probably won't get laid for at least a week or two under most circumstances, and that's if everything goes well.

Now, let's talk about the pictures in the profiles you'll see on these sites. You have to realize that the majority of the women who are really interested in hooking up on adult dating sites are "real" - meaning they are not supermodels or porn stars. If you see a professional photo studio-quality picture of a woman who looks like a supermodel or a porn star, chances are that's not a legitimate profile - more likely it's an ad placed by a fat, sweaty, hairy guy with a porn site who wants to sell you a membership. This is not to say that the actual women who are really looking for sex are unattractive - there's a wide variety of looks, shapes, and sizes just like in the offline world (imagine that!). But even the very attractive women on adult dating sites rarely have professional pictures in their profiles. In fact, the really attractive women I have met on sex dating sites usually don't post a picture at all because they know that they'll just be flooded with so many messages that they'll never get through them all. Some guys assume that an ad without a picture is a sign that the woman is less-than-attractive, so they skip over the profiles without pictures. That's a big mistake!

One other thing to realize about the profiles you see: people lie! You might see pictures that were taken 10 years and 50 pounds ago, you might read that the person is "height and weight proportionate" (which apparently to some people means that they are as wide as they are tall!), and any number of exaggerations and outright lies. Take anything you read in a personal ad (of any kind) with a grain of salt.

I have heard some guys complain that the women they've met on adult dating sites are all overweight and/or other wise less-than-attractive. Again, the women on these sites are a sampling of the offline world. Do the math: if over half the adults in the U.S. are overweight, you can expect half or more of the women you meet online to be overweight. Since men typically prefer women who aren't overweight, those women online who are not overweight will have many more men chasing them than the overweight women. In other words, you will have a lot more competition for making contact with and meeting the women who are not overweight. And you will have a HUGE amount of competition for the women who are not overweight and also happen to be particularly attractive. So, if you set a high standard for what you are seeking in the looks department, you are going to have a much more difficult time being successful on sex dating sites.

I have met some very physically-attractive women through adult dating sites. But, I can honestly say that I've had a lot more fun and generally more and a greater variety of sex with the more "average" women I've met. Women who are high on the physical attractiveness scale can often be moody, demanding, and damned neurotic. They also tend to use sex as their primary source of personal power, and so they are sometimes a challenge. They often want to see how far they can push you - how much you're willing to spend on them, how much crap you're willing to take, etc. to get them to have sex with you. Here's a tip - you'll get laid a lot faster if you DON'T kiss- ass and submit to these power plays. For more information about this,
Click Here. There are exceptions, of course, but I have found the more average-looking women to be much more fun in most cases.

Although women can and occasionally do make the first move and contact you from the profile you put up, for the most part you will have to be the one who makes first contact. There are a number of reasons for this: social norms of males being the pursuers, fearfulness on the part of many women, but probably most of the time it simply comes down to the fact that the women get enough men chasing them that they don't need to chase the men. So, even with a really good profile and photo, you're probably not going to get a lot of women sending you messages.

In fact, although you probably won't get a lot of first contact messages, what may come as a shocking reality is that the majority of the messages you do get as first contacts (other than from the porn site vendors) will probably be from gay men. Now calm down, there's no need to get all defensive and homophobic - they're not approaching you because they think you're gay, they're approaching you because they think you're attractive and they're hoping you might consider a homosexual encounter - take it as a compliment (taking compliments from gay men does not make you gay, although "taking" other things from gay men might). The good news is that if gay men are attracted to your profile and/or picture, chances are good that at least some heterosexual women will be too. And although most women will not make the first move, if you're getting hits from gay men, chances are good that women will be receptive to you when you approach them. Plus, you have something to fall back on in case you can't find any women to have sex with (I'm just kidding - no need to send me homophobic hate emails), although gay men can be kind of a pain in the butt!

The biggest reality you need to realize is that finding women to hook up with on adult dating sites is a numbers game, plain and simple. The more women you send messages to, the more likely it is that you'll find some to hook up with. Of course, the more women you send messages to, the more spam emails and invitations to join porn sites you'll get too, but this is simply a part of the game. The tips on writing your profile and writing messages included in my ebook will improve your odds, but it still comes down to a numbers game. Even with the best of the adult dating sites, ultimately, you will have to make contact with a lot of women. From that large number, a few will return your email and turn out to be real women looking for sexual encounters (and not fat, sweaty, hairy men trying to sell you porn site memberships), and of that few, maybe one out of five or ten (maybe more, maybe less) will be interested enough in you (and you interested enough in her) to actually meet in person. Chances are it will take a little time (at least a few weeks) at first to make enough contacts to actually have a chance to start getting some dates and getting laid. But once you've been at it for a little while, you'll have more prospects and get laid on a more frequent basis.

Saving Some Time By Skipping The Fake Profiles

One thing that will save you some time is trying to send messages primarily to legitimate prospects and avoid the fake profiles from the fat, sweaty, hairy guys trying to sell you porn site memberships. So, how do you know what profiles are for real people and which ones are not? Well, you really can't tell for sure, but there are some giveaways that a profile is not legit.

We've already discussed the picture issue. If it's a professional looking picture and the person looks like a porn star, it's probably not for real. Another aspect of the picture issue that serves as a "red flag" for fake profiles is when the same picture is used on the profile for two different members. Now, sometimes someone might possibly set up two different memberships, but when the picture is the same for members who live in different towns, are different ages, etc., it's a wee bit suspicious, don't you think?

Along these same lines, when the text of a sex dating profile does not match the basic information in the profile, you know it's not for real. For example, the basic profile (the information that comes from the form you check off the boxes in when you sign up for a membership) might be for a 28 year old caucasian, but in the text of the profile, the person says she is a 35 year old hot latina, it's either a fake profile or she's got multiple personality disorder. In either case, you probably want to avoid that one. Although, with a chick with MPD, you might have the opportunity to score with multiple women at the same time!

Expanding on the last point, a common place that the porn vendors screw up is when they put different measurements in the basic profile information and in the profile text. For example, an ad might say that it's for a woman who has a 36 C chest, but the text says that she has DD breasts. Fake! The ad - not the breasts. Although with DD, there's a good chance those are fake too!

Another "red flag" for a profile that probably does not belong to a legitimate dating prospect is that the screen name being used has a random-looking set of numbers in it (numbers that would not make sense as a birthdate, area code, zip code, etc.). I used to wonder why someone would use a bunch of random numbers in their screen name and then realized that it is probably a time-saver. The porn site vendors are putting up large numbers of profiles so they can cover a wide geographic area. That way, even if somebody is searching for a dating prospect in some small town in the middle of nowhere, they'll have a profile matching his search area. The random numbers in the screen name mean less chance of there being an existing account with that screen name, so the porn vendor doesn't have to keep trying a bunch of names to find one that's not taken. Setting up fake adult dating personal ads is hard work, so if you're a porn site vendor, any time-saver you can find is worth taking.

Finally, there is one tip-off that is a strong indicator of a REAL profile - the person is a paid member. Most paid membership sites will have some indicator of whether a person is a free or paid member. Like I said before, fat, sweaty, hairy guys selling porn memberships set up a lot of fake profiles - which gets expensive if you do paid memberships for each of them. A paid membership is a really good indicator that a profile is for a real person who is most likely relatively serious about meeting people and is therefore one of your best prospects.

What Happens Next

The first thing to remember is that the women you meet online are really no different than the women you would meet at a bar, the gym, a grocery store, or anywhere else. If you have trouble meeting and dating women in the offline world, chances are you will have some difficulties online as well. Don't worry, you can learn to be better at this stuff. But if you aren't "good with women", before you spend money on a sex dating site membership, I recommend investing some time and money in the training to become "good with women".

In addition to the basic materials in my ebook, I highly recommend the
"Art Of Approaching Women" program. If you consider yourself a "nice guy", the advice from this program may be contrary to what you would do naturally, but I can tell you as a reformed "wussy" (a "nice guy" who bends over backwards to try to please women), the recommended approach works - not only will you get more dates and get laid more often, you and the women you date will have more fun while you're doing it!

In addition, remember that the women you meet on adult dating sites are normal women - this isn't the land of the nymphomaniac bimbos who will have sex with just any guy. In my experience, the women you meet on adult dating sites tend to be independent, intelligent women. They have sexual needs and desires they want fulfilled, but they don't have the time to devote to a serious relationship, so they, like you, are hoping to find some casual hook-ups on a sex dating site. They know what they want, they're not ashamed to go after it, and they do have standards. Be respectful, keep things light, and you'll have a great time!

You can treat a woman with respect without getting all serious. This is supposed to be fun, so have some fun. Tease, joke, and keep things light. If you're not sure how to do that, check out the tips in my ebook and in the
Art of Approaching Women programs.

Some women are agreeable to meet right away, while others want a little time to get to know you online and/or on the phone before you meet in person. Some will stall meeting you in person indefinitely and apparently just want "pen pals", or perhaps phone or email sex "pals". If you are OK with that, then by all means continue to correspond with them, but if you want to meet people, you need to move on. My advice is to let her go if you haven't met in person within a few weeks of initial contact - unless there's a reasonable explanation for the delay (illness, vacation, etc.).

For the first "date", I recommend something simple like going for coffee/tea. With this type of first meeting, if things go well, you can expand on it, and if things don't go well, you can get away without spending a lot of time and money. Again, different women will move at different speeds, but generally things will go relatively fast if they are going to happen. Remember, you're dealing with a person who is on an adult dating website searching for a casual sex partner - this isn't an evaluation to see if she can take you home to meet mom (unless things are going to get REALLY kinky!). My experience with women I've met on adult dating sites is that if you are compatible, things will usually progress to sex (or at least getting naked and fooling around) sometime in the first one or two dates. If you've been out on three or four dates and you're not getting laid, either you're doing something wrong, or she's just there for whatever free stuff you're providing! More often than not, if you're not getting laid after a couple of dates you're doing something to kill the sexual tension - read my ebook and check out the links to "Art of Approaching Women" to find out what's going wrong.

"Return Business" - The Key To Getting Laid On A Regular Basis

Once you do start getting some dates, the most reliable way of getting sex on a regular basis is to develop a network of "sex buddies" - women (or perhaps couples, if that's your thing), you can get together with periodically to have sex, as well as to enjoy other activities. Now, I know some guys are out to have sex with as many different women possible, in which case any type of ongoing relationships simply get in the way. But I think most guys are happy to have one or more sex buddies around that they can hook up with on a regular basis. And who knows, one of those sex buddies may even turn out to be someone you want to develop a committed relationship with at some point.

In any event, it is often said in business that the key to success is return business. As they say, it's much more costly and difficult to get a new customer than to sell again to an exisiting satisfied customer. The same is true in dating, particularly when it comes to getting laid - the easiest way to develop a busy sex life is to hook up again with previously satisfied partners. For on how to develop a group of "sex buddies" from which you can get "Sex on Demand", Click Here.

In Conclusion:

So now you know the basics of using sex dating sites and how to use them to develop an active sex life. For additional information, be sure to check out the articles, E-books, and links. Good luck!

The End

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